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[07 Dec 2009|10:11am] |
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mood |
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fade into you - mazzy star |
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Lots to talk about!
So Marley is alright, thank goodness. She had surgery on Saturday but is home now recovering. Basically, what happened is kind of gross, so if you don't want to know, stop here and go to the next paragraph. We learned a few weeks ago that she wasn't fixed (my brother saw her bleeding) which is very odd considering we've had her about six years now, and she's hidden it from us for that long. But whatever. So she wasn't fixed and what happened was she had an infection in her uterus and there was a lot of puss build up. Very gross. To fix this, they just removed her uterus. So, no Marley puppies (which is really the last thing we'd need anyways, but I'm still kind of sad about it. She'd have adorable little fuzz ball puppies. Anyways...) She's at home now, my dad is taking really good care of her. I'm that girl who talks to her on the phone and I tell her I love her and everything will be ok. She wags her tail when I'm on the phone so I guess that is positive. She's still on pain medication so she's been out of it and sleeps a lot, but that's good because she needs to heal. She's also wearing the cone again and forgets that it's on her head and runs into things. I think it's already been tapped back together because she's run into the door a few times and snapped it. Silly Marley.
It's crunch week. I should be a lot more stressed out then I actually am, but as of yet, I'm alright. Which worries me because I know I have a shit ton of work to do. I have to do my drawing final, which I still don't really understand, I have to finish printing my digital imaging final (which are my scanned negatives from Greece, which are turning out so cool. I'm really excited about it), and finish my artist book (which is due Thursday so I really need to get on top of that, ASAP). I need to rewrite all of my english papers because I absolutely suck at writing and have gotten bad grades on all of them. I haven't gotten my second one back yet, which makes me nervous. I think he's giving the third one back today. I think we have until the actual final to hand them back in, which is good because I need it. Then there's math. The final project is fun, my group has to plan a wedding. We're meeting later today to put all the final pieces together so that's pretty under control. I have to study for the final exam, which shouldn't be that bad either. There's just a lot to do in a short period of time.
And then it's this time of year. I've been getting randomly emotional at the drop of a hat and I don't like it. For example, last night Jose and I were talking and out of no where I get really sad and start to cry. I mean, we were talking about when I get to next see him (which is sort of difficult right now because he's got his finals too and it's ski season so he's really busy with work) and I just started to cry. I know it's not his fault for being busy, and I'm not angry at him for it, I'm just sad because I want him to physically be here for me right now. But, like I said, he's really busy for legitimate reasons and I'm not angry at him for it, not at all. I'm really thankful that I have him and that he's so supportive of me, even when I'm being crazy and sad. I'm really lucky. I'm also lucky to have my friends. Unfortunately, I have an exam on the actual anniversary, so I have to be up at school. It's the first time in forever that I've had things required of me on this day that I didn't plan. I believe Ellesse is coming up to be with me for part of the day, and help me pack. I'm also going to have to work in the darkroom because I think we're going to try to close everything on that day, so at least I'll be with Whitney and Zack. I just hope that I don't randomly start crying, like I probably will. I hate it. I hate feeling sad and disliking the holidays. I've tried, really really hard to be positive and upbeat, but it's just too hard and I feel so fake doing it. It's all a lie because on the inside, I'm so sad. Even after 13 years (yes, it's been that long) I still miss her as much as the day she died. And I'm still just as sad. Maybe even sadder.
Ok I'm crying a little now. I should go try to be productive. I think (and really hope) that we may be watching a movie in Drawing class today. We're at least seeing slides so that'll take up some time and be less time for me to have to draw. A movie would be excellent though. Cross your fingers for me, please.
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[04 Dec 2009|03:18pm] |
Marley is really sick and I don't know what to do.
I'm scared
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[02 Dec 2009|08:33pm] |
Drawing went better today, I started to understand what we were doing better so that was good. My piece still didn't look that great, the shadows were all messed up because I drew the figures incorrectly, but oh well. I like it, nonetheless.
I'm at work right now and I'm bored. I have english reading to do and I really really REALLY don't want to do it. Sigh. The final for that class is SO HARD. We got it in an email today and I'm not ready for it, at all. I don't know how to get ready for it either. I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do. Ughhhhhhh!
It's so hot in here, which sucks. I'm here till 11. I guess I'm going to go edit photos. I have to order printer paper too. Too much to do but nothing that I want to be doing.
Sighs.
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[30 Nov 2009|03:34pm] |
Drawing was really hard today. I don't understand mixed media. It's really frustrating to me when I don't understand how something works. I kind of got it towards the end of class and we have another class session to finish it, but I'm still really upset about it. Maybe I'll email the professor and let her know that I'm really struggling and for some reason just don't understand it.
Today is a sad day. I found out that my friends father passed away and it's gotten me really down. I know firsthand what losing a parent is like and it's something I wouldn't wish on anyone, even someone I'm not fond of. I wish there were something I could say or do to comfort him, but I know that nothing will make this better...time will eventually numb the pain, but it never really goes away. I hate that it's officially the holiday season.
I miss Ellesse. I spent Thursday-Sunday with her, literally. I woke up this morning and legit looked for her, then realized I was in my room at school. It was really sad.
And it's rainy and gross. I have a stupid english paper to write and I'm really unmotivated to do it. But I have to, it's due tomorrow. Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh!
I'm going to try to be productive. It's really hard to be productive though when you're sad. and I'm not going to try to force myself to be "happy" right now, because it's just one of those days where I need to let myself be sad. If I don't, it'll just come out way worse down the road sometime soon and I can't afford to let that happen. So sad now works.
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[29 Nov 2009|07:28pm] |
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I'm in the worst mood ever.
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[24 Nov 2009|09:40am] |
This weekend was surrounded by a lot of unfortunate events, before and after. But I"m trying not to focus on those, because the weekend was perfect.
I drove down to VA to see Jose. I got slightly lost (I kind of knew where I was but it wasn't where I was supposed to be) and Jose happened to be in the area so he met me. We then went to the hotel to hang out for a while. I was so happy to finally see him. Then we went to dinner with one of his friends who I had heard a lot about and was glad to finally meet. I was nervous, it's the first time I've ever really met any of his friends (minus the night I met him) but everything worked out fine. We got along pretty well and had a nice dinner. Then afterwards, Jose and I went to the mall and I did a little shopping. Now, I know I'm totally broke. But I only bought stuff that was on sale, so cheap already, and all the sale stuff was an extra 30% off (in one store) and 40% off (in another). All and all I didn't spend that much money at all, so it was perfectly fine. We then headed off to Ricks which was fun. I haven't seen him in forever so it was nice to catch up a little. I wasn't feeling well towards the end of the night. I ended up driving Jose's car cause he had a little too much to drink and I was fine. He took me to his house and showed me all of his stuff, it was really awesome. I'm so happy I got to see more of his life.
Then we slept all day Sunday, very literally, and woke up late. We had a dinner reservation in DC at 4 (we wanted it to be a little early so the restaurant wasn't too crowded) so we went to that. Um. Most amazing dinner of my life. The food was FABULOUS and the service was equally as amazing. I recommend Fogo de Chao to anyone and everyone. It was legit the greatest dinner I've been to. It was really romantic eating a nice dinner with Jose too :-). After dinner we walked around a little, I got some coffee and then we decided to go to this place I know. If I were someone else listening to myself right now, this is the point where I'd probably throw up it was so cute. But I'm going to continue anyways. We went by the airport and watched the planes take off and land. And held each other all cute. AWWWWWWW! Barf, I know haha! But no, it was really really amazing and the perfect evening. But then, it got even better (which I didn't think was possible). We went and saw New Moon together. I still can't believe he came with me to see it. I was slightly disappointed, it was just like the book but I feel like the book was still better. There were parts of the movie I thought were just stupid but oh well. I still liked it nonetheless and will most likely buy it the day it comes out, because I'm a total nerd like that. Whatever. We saw New Moon together and it made me really happy.
We talked a lot that night, as well as the night before and I'm just so happy with our relationship right now. I hate leaving though. It was really hard. The drive back wasn't too bad, until I almost got run off the road and hit a curb and got a flat tire. That's currently being taken care of, thank you grandfather for knowing the best mechanic and for paying for it.
It was the most amazing weekend ever. I'm so happy. I just need to get my car fixed and hopefully have a nice week off.
:-)
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[20 Nov 2009|02:40pm] |
So pay day didn't happen and I'm really pissed off about it.
I'm at work now and I'm mad at it. I want to be on my way home. I want to be out of here. Not that home will be much better. There's a whole slew of problems that goes along with home life.
But tomorrow I see Jose. And we're going on a date Sunday. I'm excited. I just want to be with him.
Back to scanning negatives. Sigh.
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[18 Nov 2009|01:52pm] |
DRAWING CLASS WAS CANCELED!!!!
Greatest. Day. Ever.
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[18 Nov 2009|11:05am] |
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p.s. it won't last long, but I just realized that tomorrow is Pay Day! I wish paychecks were bigger/lasted longer. Sigh.
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[18 Nov 2009|11:04am] |
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crooked teeth - death cab for cutie |
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So here I am. I've had lots of work to do lately and I feel like I've been doing it, yet at the same time I feel like I've gotten nothing done. It's weird how you can feel two things at the same time.
I went on a field trip last Thursday, which I may or may not have posted about. It was awesome. I really love my friends here, they're amazing. And I love my other friends too. I basically just love everyone important to me.
I'm working on my artist book. It started off really good but I've hit a dip in the flow of things. I got my typewriter from home (which I forgot how much I love) from my dad who came to visit this weekend and typed up all the titles of everything I have so far. That was a lot of work. I still have a ton to print. Ugh. I don't want to think about it. Number one priority is getting the project that's due tomorrow printed. I have it all ready to go, I just need to print. And printer #3 (the one I use) had a malfunction yesterday so that was very frustrating.
I'm not sure what else to write. I'm like 99% sure I'm going down to VA to see Jose on Saturday. It's going to be a short visit and I'm a little disappointed about it, but at least I get to see him. I miss our longer visits. Whatever. I'm still excited to see him. We had a semi-rocky week last week, but then things got better then they ever have been and we're both happy. Happiness is good.
Not sure what else to write about. I have drawing class in a short bit (YUCK!!!) but I emailed my professor and I feel a lot better about things relating to that. I messed up, but am in the process of fixing things. I think we're watching a movie today which would be fucking fantastic. I hope we do. Like, really really badly.
Guess that's all for now. I'll try to be better about posting (not that I really think anyone reads this anymore, but for me)
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[16 Nov 2009|11:31am] |
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I'm having a panic attack and I don't know what to do
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[12 Nov 2009|09:38pm] |
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bad romance- lady gaga |
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So I know I've royally sucked at posting lately. Mostly because nothing new has happened. I've been semi-fucking up in school, and it needs to stop. I can't be on academic probation again (I don't think I will be, but it's always a possibility).
Today I went on a field trip. Whitney Zack and Ryan and I carpooled and it was so much fun. I need to take more road trips with my friends. We're planning a winter one to Cape Cod so we can go eat seafood and be cool. I'm really excited about it.
Then I went over Whitney's and she gave me a haircut and I love it. She was really nervous, but I wasn't, which is surprising considering I've only had two people ever cut my hair. As long as it's mostly even, I don't really care. And I needed a hair cut, really really badly, my ends were terrible. I cut my bangs too. Now they actually look like bangs. They're short and annoying and I love it. We also made and ate artichokes. yum yum yum.
Tomorrow night she's sleeping over and I think we're doing make overs. Neither of us have money so we can't go anywhere fancy with our new selves. We're also going to be making dresses. We went to Urban Outfitters today and I made a scarf I saw when I got home. It's pretty cool. I like mine a lot. It's very Mary-Kate and Ashely, in a fashionable way.
I've entered a lot of contests lately and I seriously hope I win one (or all...) of them. That would be so amazing. I need a new wardrobe, really badly. But I definately don't have near enough funds to do that. I don't have enough funds to put gas in my car and have food.
I hate money and it sucks. I'm really depressed about it.
I'm stopping here because the rest will be a ramble on how things suck right now. And I don't feel like thinking about it.
I want to make something else and be productive. Hmm...
p.s. I got sunglasses that make me feel like lady gaga and they make me feel AMAZING. and fierce.
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[10 Nov 2009|09:54pm] |
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and I miss you, I'm going back home to the west coast, I wish you would've put yourself in my suit case....
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[05 Nov 2009|01:42pm] |
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I SUCK
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[02 Nov 2009|03:36pm] |
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hungover...still |
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Bad Romance - Lady Gaga |
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I'm still recovering from Saturday night. It was insane. Jose came up for the weekend which is always wonderful. Then we met up with Whitney and Zack at Whitney's apartment. We finished getting our costumes on and then headed off to Zack's dad's house. Whitney and I were the roommates on the Minnesota Football team, we made tshirts and they were really cute.
I planning on getting shitfaced. I did not, however, plan on getting THAT drunk and subsequently forgetting the majority of the night. What happened was I started doing shots...shot after shot after shot. Everytime something happened in the football game (someone scoring or something good happening for the Gophers) I took another shot. And was drinking beer simultaneously. I have bits and pieces of the night in my head.. I remember hysterically crying at one point, I don't know why. I remember taking lots of shots with a guy in a business suit. I remember the cop outside of my building. I remember running down my hallway with no pants on to the bathroom, then giggling because someone was in the shower? Yeah... I do not remember making him go out and get me Wings, but I do remember eating them. I do not remember getting upset and telling everyone at the party (most of whom I didn't know, seeing as they were Zack's parents friends...) Jose wouldn't have sex with me because I was too drunk (nothing happened to make me believe this, I just got in my head). I do not remember making him kiss me, multiple times, in front of a 5 year old, or yelling "you aren't fucking kissing me passionately enough" in front of said 5 year old. I don't remember being carried up the stairs or Jose taking my football make up off my face for me. I don't remember Whitney wiping my tears while I was crying. Bottom line is, I really embarrassed myself. I will NOT be drinking that heavily for a long time.
That was the big story of this weekend. I'm very very lucky I have such amazing friends and such an amazing boyfriend who took such great care of me. I would be a million times more upset if anyone was really upset about my actions this weekend. I am truly sorry if I offended anyone or hurt anyone's feelings. As I told Ellesse, I was "that girl...squared". Embarrassing...
Halloween 2009 is definately one for the books.
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[28 Oct 2009|01:28pm] |
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I'm a terrible person and I'm going to hell.
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[27 Oct 2009|09:10pm] |
I'm so behind in work and I don't know what to do.
I don't want to fail any classes this semester.
I can't.
fuuuccckkk
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[26 Oct 2009|09:00am] |
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I didn't get my english paper extension. fuck my life
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[25 Oct 2009|08:40pm] |
Being sick really fucking sucks. I feel horrible, I'm behind in everything because I've missed classes and spent all my time sleeping (yet I'm still tired beyond words) It sucks and it's time to be over.
I had a traumatic experience with my drawing homework tonight and I have to redo it. I'm having my midterm critique on Wednesday and I need to have it done by then. Fuck. I'm going to do it and it's going to be better then my attempt tonight (which was God awful, no exaggeration). I'm blaming it on all the cold medicine I've been taking. I'm bad at drawing, but I'm not THAT bad. That's how bad it was. Ugh.
I have an english research paper to write, of which I haven't even started. I have all the criticisms that I'm going to use (I think) and I just need to read them and figure out what my paper is going to be about. I've just been so gross feeling that I haven't gotten up to read anything. I've been in my room wayy too much the past few days. Sleeping. And feeling gross about myself. Ugh.
I am feeling better, but I'm still sick. I'm hoping tomorrow everything gets better. I'm at work now and I just did a bunch of darkroom related things so that was productive. I have so many projects going on right now and I'm super behind. I'm going to start my reading, even though it's the last thing I'm in the mood for. I have reading for class to do too for English. And now I have to figure out when I'm going to get this drawing assignment done.
Why does everything always happen at once?
Oh yeah, and, my car won't start. Well, it selectively starts. Sometimes it will, sometimes it won't. I finally got it started and drove it to the garage today. I left it there and I hope it doesn't get towed/ticketed. I'm going to call them first thing tomorrow morning. Fuck fuck fuck I have math homework and a quiz to make up too.
aldsfkja;sdf
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[23 Oct 2009|08:53pm] |
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NOT that I'm complaining, but doctors seem to love to write me prescriptions...
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